I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
