this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Drake has all the answers
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
