I feel like I'm in dance class right now
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
