i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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