My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
