You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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