Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize