Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
