I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
