I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
