remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
