if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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