And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
