Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
