good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize