The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
