he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
