i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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