i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
