Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
