did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
