Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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