so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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