If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
