It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
