Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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