the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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