Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
