she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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