bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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