I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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