sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
