She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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