420 ftw
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
