Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
