Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
