I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
