I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
