I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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