I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
from now on my penis is your penis
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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