we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
