he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
