i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
