The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
