Sry I called you an 8
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
