So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
