i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
