i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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