put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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