We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
