I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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