Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
