Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
