Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
