Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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