Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
