And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize