I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
