Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
