you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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